a tale of two loves pt.2 (life and death)

I still do not understand what had taken control of my mind and forcefully convinced me to tread the same path as this demonic witch, but it could not be helped as I was perpetually plunging into a spiraling madness. 

DEATH

would be the most accurate description of this woman. Every soul her blade crossed was cleanly severed in half, leaving no peace for the remaining essence to dwell before leaving the mortal plane. She knew no mercy and no fear, as I followed her through countless skirmishes against even the most gruesome of foes in Northrend. Those unable to keep up fell behind and eventually perished. I, on the other hand, was so fascinated by this tool of destruction that I forced myself to stay alive and witness the beauty of massacre. To her, the idea of death was no longer existent - she was an embodiment of an immortal, yet fragilely transient, being, constantly dispatching lives for a purpose unknown. What was she after? Was she motivated by revenge? By hatred? Passion? Madness? Love? The answer eludes me to this very day. All I know, is that she incessantly manages to turn the macabre sight of murder into a waltz of artistry.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED

I felt my sanity slowly losing its grip. It was as we tread the cold winter nights, alone now, in the trenches and valleys of the Storm Peaks, that I began to feel an inseparability to this witch. We had barely exchanged words, yet followed and supported each other throughout our long journey in Northrend. Day after day in these perilous lands created a unique bond. When our eyes met, mine black, and aged with the weariness of too many battles, hers, two orbs of hot, azure steel impaling my soul - we would find a mutual ground of affection. On the final night, when we had finally reached the end of our journey in Icecrown, all that was left to be said... no longer needed to be. 

We had fallen in love.

TO THIS DAY

I follow her, as we sweep across the deepest dungeons of the north, and slay the greatest underlings of the Lich King himself. I have forgotten who I am and who I was. All I know now is the echoing screams of slain enemies as we plow through endless hordes of adversaries. I had once been alive and felt the warmth of life and love. I now only feel the cold and chaos of complete annihilation. I smile to her, and she grins back with a maniacal look on her face. Her name is Amaii.

On some days, how very uncommon it is to occur, I still hear the echoes of my past. The memory of a time when my life was as the way I wished it to be, and a special someone always by my side. Happiness? I then scoff at the thought. There is no happiness to be found in the cold blood of the north.

What was her name again?

Sometime this weekend I'll have another article up. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do "World of Warcraft: A Lifestyle". That one should be entertaining, I hope. A few more news things that I'd like to reiterate: OMG KARA NO KYOUKAI IS DOWNLOADING NOW!!! EPISODE #5 - MUJUN RASEN (Paradox Spiral). ALSO! I submitted my application to Creative Development Internship @ Blizzard Entertainment, so I'll be posting a copy of my résumé up here for you to see! FINALLY! Don't forget to keep Timmy in your prayers or whatever your religion does!

weeding the weaksauce (professor rudy gardea)

I oftentimes wonder if this profession is truly right for me. I have no doubt in my mind that this is what I want to do, but the cynicism that comes from the mouths of veterans in the field begins to scare me. Are these the kind of people I have to work with? Are these the kind of personalities that are born from years and years of anal tasks and harsh criticism? Is this what I'm going to become?

When I looked at my class schedule, I saw that I had digital grid systems with Gardea. I then remembered that my friend said he put in 8 hours a week for his class and barely walked away with a C. I pondered for a minute, considering whether or not I should switch this class out for another. Oh well, laziness got the best of me.

BAD CHOICE

I have decided never to let laziness get the best of me. I walked away from the first class a bit nervous, only because he had assigned us a ridiculous amount of homework. In fact, 90% of my total homework was comprised of assignments from his class. So I do all of it, still iffy on a few executions, but walking into class two weeks later feeling somewhat prepared.

Boy was I wrong.

Everyone in the class got thrashed. He told us to come back an hour later because nobody had scanned in their thumbnails. WHO THE FUCK KNEW TO SCAN IN THE THUMBNAILS? So we do that, then we realize there was also an essay due. There was an essay due? Apparently he had briefly mentioned it in class, and only 2 people of the 24 got it. Half of us scrambled out of the classroom to get our shit scanned, the other half trying to get the essay finished. By the time everyone had finished, an hour and a half had already passed. Want to try and guess Gardea's mood? No, it wasn't that bad. He just went right ahead and destroyed our thumbs, constantly mocking our drawings and basically saying that we did extremely inadequately. Although some of the critique was deserving, the method was hardly constructive. He would pick apart our 10 artist biographies all the way down to the our font selection. The worst part about the class was that I sat right next to him. I couldn't look him in the eye and I felt like vomitting during break. It was that bad.

POOR METHODS FOR A RIGHTEOUS CAUSE

I consider myself not a weaksauce when it comes to stuff like this. I understand why teachers do it, but frankly, it's cliche and it's stressful. I fully acknowledge that hardcore teachers hate amateurs in the field that lack work ethic, are inconsistent with their production quality, don't understand anyone or anything about the field, and lack the brains and wit to keep up with how fast the ball moves. This process is the weeding out process, and it is not for the faint of heart. Those who can't handle maximizing perfection in everything they do will get chewed out and there's nothing they can do about it. The difference between school and work is that in school you get an F and at work you get fired. At least that much has been pounded into my skull, quarter after quarter of lecture. I get it. My only complaint is that I'm sick of it. I did all of my work, but I don't feel like I should suffer as well just because a teacher set up loose guidelines for the first few assignments then yells at people who don't overachieve.

GOOD CHOICE

In the end, it's for the best. For those of you who don't understand what I'm saying - the visual design industry is all about hardening your shell. You will create work and people will hate it. How do you cope? Yo don't. You just stomach it and move on. Producing work in this field is much like creating a baby. You love and cherish this child and are so proud of it. Then all of a sudden this professor comes by and says your baby is a complete utter piece of shit then slays it on the spot. How would you feel? Years and years of your slain babies piling ontop of your conscience and heart. It starts to harden your shell, make you cynical, turn your tastebuds bitter, and your humor black. That, my friends, is the blight of the commercial artist.

That, my friends, is who I'm going to become. So fucking deal with it.

News! Added new 'Otaku News Feed' for random shit that is going on in that you might or might not want to know about. Tomorrow! "A Tale of Two Loves pt. 2". More to look forward to (in the near future)! "World of Warcraft: A Lifestyle", "The Art of Feigning Interest", and "My Breast Size Preference". Remember also! Keep Timmy in your prayers or whatever your religion does. Thanks for tuning in and have a fucking fantastic day!

a tale of two loves pt.1 (amaii and brightdown)

I once knew a beautiful girl. I still remember the night I met her, on an All Hallows Eve, just shy of two years ago. I stared in awe, as her hair changed colors under the ambient glow of the moonlight. When she stepped forth, rich violet lips, shimmering teal hair, and a voluptuous chest, I instantly knew that she was the one. 

HER NAME WAS ESA

The word "love" was always a distant vision for me, something I wished to obtain but never met the right person for. All of that changed when I began my relationship with Esa. We did everything together, from the fiery pits of Hellfire Peninsula, to the shattered lands of Netherstorm, all the way to the grim depths of Shadowmoon Valley. We had traversed the lands hand in hand, side by side, enduring hardship after hardship. It was through this series of trials that I began to find true "love". 

She was my first.

My first Karazhan. My first heroic badge. My first item lvl 120. My first visit to the Scryers. My first flight in Outland. My first arena match. My first Swiftmend. My first 375 profession. My first everything. 

I couldn't imagine life without her. I would go to see her every day and have fun with her till the sun came up. Those times shall be forever burned into my memory as the most warm and love-felt days of my life. 

FORGOTTEN LOVE

Life, as always, began to dull out. The flourishing of our young hearts began to wither with the natural wear of time. I began to grow slightly distant, but I still would not let her go, not for one minute. She was the love of my life and I would never have it any other way. 

It wasn't until a series of unfortunate events that lead up to the demise of our long-lasted love, that I had truly forsaken her. The call to arms had been sounded, and the drums of war beat steady again. Prince Arthas had challenged the residents of Azeroth to test his might. What choice did we have? I had to join the fight for the survival of our future generations. We packed only what we needed, in anticipation for a new and fresh long journey; it was a chance for me not only to prove my loyalties to the Alliance, but to reconciliate my relationship.

"I'll be waiting for you at the harbor."

Those were the last words I said to her.

EYES OF STEEL COLD

I left early that morning, to wait for her by the docks. The first ship was due in at dawn's light, and just as the first rays of the new day peeked over the horizon, I felt a shiver down my spine. Was I afraid of leaving for Northrend, a place of unspeakable horrors in a frozen waste of lost legends? Nay, I was not, for as I turned my head I was met by the gaze of Death itself. She was clad in black metal, and while pale as a corpse, eminnated an alluring yet nauseating aura. What was this...thing?

Something snapped in the back of my mind. I must follow this person. I must find out who she is and why I had met her on that day, at that time. She swept right past me, never making direct eye contact. I humbly followed, dazed by what I had just witnessed. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of the end.

Years later, I wish I could have wiped the tears from Esa's face as she waited and watched each boat come and leave till the sun had finally sighed its last sigh.

to be continued...

So yea, class has been a bitch. I'm actually going to write about it tomorrow (and keep your breaths held for the second part of this amazing larp story)! LOOK FORWARD TO IT (and keep Timmy in your prayers or whatever your religion does).

amakakeru ryu no hirameki (dreams about nothing)

Every once in a while, you get thrown into a deep sleep and enter dreams that feel as if they were real. They can be good (like that one time I dreamed about some crazy circus bitch in fishnets having sex with me in a tent) or they can be bad (like the time I dreamed about logging on my Diablo 2 account and everything was deleted). In other cases, I've entered dreams that seemed to be just regular day happenings. People often say that you dream about things you were thinking the most about right before you fall asleep, but I don't recall thinking about Sean Wang when this dream happened.

I woke up late for today's raid at 2:15PM, and I freaked the fuck out. Usually I'd get a phonecall within 10 minutes of the raid's initiation, so I jumped out of bed and stumbled over my password two or three times before finally logging in. Whew. Apparently the raid had been cancelled cause some drunk fucks were drinking all of last night (you know who you are). So I ate breakfast and went back to take a nap. 

We were in a heroic (that's a World of Warcraft dungeon, for all you non-WoWing readers), me, Bryan, Maldrecaster (don't know who he is), Ehd, and Sean. I'm not sure what heroic it was (probably made up), but it had like blue and white tiles and a big fountain. Anyways, we were going through the heroic fine until we hit the last boss, a giant mammoth. When I say giant, I don't mean Ehd giant, I mean like fucking two Ehds giant. So whatever, since we were all pretty decked out and I was getting bored, I went ahead and offered to tank. Sean sounded a bit irked, "Uhmmm....no, I'll just tank it." 

I grew irritated at this comment and replied, "Just let me tank this one Sean, I have enough gear for it, whatever it's just a heroic."

    "No, I'll just tank it so we can finish it faster."

    "What's your problem? I just want to tank this boss for once, you never let me tank it."

     "Uhmmm...no. Also, last time I checked your armory you only had like 337 defense or something like that. You're not even capped out." By then I had lost it. Why wouldn't Sean let me tank the fucking mammoth??? I've always wanted to tank the fucking mammoth. 

    "NO. I HAVE OVER 340 DEFENSE I KNOW CAUSE I FUCKING SLAVED OVER THE GEAR LISTS TO FUCKING REACH IT. THAT'S THREE-FOUR-ZERO, I KNOW I HAVE IT. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT MY DEFENSE IS AT. YOU'RE JUST A GREEDY LITTLE BITCH THAT WANTS TO TANK THE MAMMOTH. WELL I WANT TO TANK THE MAMMOTH FOR ONCE YOU FUCKING ASS. STOP USING STUPID ASS EXCUSES CAUSE I KNOW HAVE FUCKING DEFENSE CAP. PLUS THEY ADDED RUNE OF THE STONEKIN GARGOYLE THIS PATCH SO I KNOW I HAVE OVER 340 DEFENSE."

...

-weeble has left the channel-

-grimeth has left the channel-

-livya has left the channel-

"Wow."

Maldrecaster has left the guild.

I think I /gquit right before I woke up.

Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki is the sword attack Kenshin uses to defeat Shishio during the Kyoto arc and they FINALLY released the Saber Lily figure! She's doing the -Distant Avalon- pose!!! <3333

Same articles to look forward to next week. Hopefully I'll have more comedic stuff as well. I'd also like everyone who reads this to wish my friend Timmy well, he was in a serious car accident and had to recieve surgery. He's badly damaged, but is still alive and conscious. Please keep him in your prayers or whatever your religion does. Thanks.

chris's obsessions pt.1 (girls with big swords)

Everyone has a type of character or motif that they're attracted to; this attraction can range anywhere from a love for elves to a fanaticism for robots. I know my friend Pat loves girls with wings and guns; Matt is obsessed with loli girls; David is obsessed with loose viet girls; and Ehd is obsessed with bears and motherfuckin pink-haired girls that die, but I digress. My obsession is for the girl with the big, fat sword. 

So what got me into this mess? I'm not quite too sure myself either. I think it first started with my admiration of Guts from the Berserk series. He was always so badass, swinging his big ass sword around (no homo) slicing enemies in half and spraying their innards all over the place. Hardly befitting for the 13-year old reading this stuff, but hey, I turned out alright (I think). So what else do I like. Girls? Hot girls? Yea. I like hot girls. It was around this time, I think when I turned 18, that I began to follow anime closely and did I slowly begin to turn into an otaku (not a wowtaku, just an otaku - that's a completely different story for a whole nother time). That also happened to be the first season of Claymore (as Tokiwa would put it, my "favorite shitty" series). The reason? Well, it was gory and had big swords and an ominous plot. The kicker? They were GIRLS wielding swords. And not just that, girls with big tits and in skin-tight uniforms. Hot damn! If I could choose one way to leave this mortal plane, I would want to be brutally murdered by one of those. So the appeal became something like a female version of Guts, though the thought of that in my head is hardly appealing.

Big boobs and big swords. It's like two of my favorite things combined into one perfect entity. There's something about giving a chick that kind of raw power that just straight up turns me on. They move with so much more grace than we do, and seeing girls gliding through mobs of dudes slicing them up with such finesse - it's an image worthy of the greatest tiers of my lust. Oh yea, and Saber was a hella cute character. 

I'd show you my figurine collection of girls with big swords, but I'm waiting for it to grow. So until then....

Bleargh. I think I'm finally exiting the final stages of my stomach flu. That was quite an unpleasant experience. Anyways, more posts delayed, more reviews delayed, everything delayed. Negishi fuck.

the eye of sauron (also known as my butthole after stomach flu)

So I'm sitting at my desk right now, and I was about to write some profound and fabulous article till I completely lost my train of thought. What was the cause? I had to diarrhea. That would count the seventh time today that I have gone downstairs to the bowl and shat out a bunch of water (and some poop, but mostly water). It's a pretty awful feeling. I keep taking naps and then waking up cause I feel like I need to fart. However, right before I fart, I feel something coming to the edge of my butthole. Oh boy, it's here. So I have to run down the stairs at the speed of light and blast my toilet with the full force of Raging Waters. At first it wasn't that big of a deal, but after the third time or so, my buttcrack started to burn a bit. After the seventh time, I could no longer walk straight. Beyond that, my entire body is sore due to lack of sleep and a cold. Not the greatest day, no.

I am ashamed to say that the culprit of my misfortune can be traced back to Del Taco. Honestly though, that's not going to stop me from eating it lol.

Posts to look forward to towards the end of the week: how mtg changed my though process, a look at DK dps post 3.0.8, and world of warcraft: a lifestyle!

black ice (warning: emo post)

No, not the 213 polearm from Eye of Eternity.

I couldn't think of better metaphoric imagery for what has seemingly coated my heart over the past two years. I used to be the naieve, happy-go-lucky boy, ready to give all of his strength and attention to the girl he liked. I suppose I was never lucky enough cause I wasn't happy and I definitely wasn't going anywhere with my previous relationships. Happy-go-lucky doesn't work.

I am thankful, oddly enough, because these turned into lessons that I would carry with me from now on. When I finally began to understand what caused my failures, I couldn't really blame myself. Back then, I didn't have any sort of comprehension of "the game". So, it hit me pretty hard when this ridiculous world of "love" revealed itself to me. Is this some kind of sick joke? What happened to the immaculate, heartwarming feelings of intimacy between two beings? What are all these mindgames, decietful actions, jealousy, cheating, lying, insecurities...? It's mind boggling, and the more you think about it, the more you realize that humans really don't know what the fuck they really want. Our feelings are so tender and fickle, and our desires so easily swayed by the same wind. 

And so, a few truisms to go with my experience -

1. Don't ever say the words "I love you", till you're really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really sure that you both mean it and that she will accept it.

2. Don't ever give your 100%. I always did, and I always ended up with the same poor results. If you spread out your efforts, it makes your smaller actions shine more. 

3. Don't smother her with lovey-dovey shit. Even if you really like her, learn to keep your distance still. It's the space between a man and a woman that incites desire. If you guys are like siamese twins, you'll get sick of each other eventually (unless you are guaranteed soulmates).

4. Don't ask for sex all the time...well, unless she's into that sort of thing. Fuckin nymphos, quit makin my balls blue.

5. Pay attention to your appearance. You'll notice it naturally degrade. If she ditches the next day, you're screwed if you want a new mate.

Yea, headache.

Sorry for the delay on EHD's article, but I'm going to try to accumulate more historically relevant anecdotes! Probably going to write an article on how MTG CHANGED MY THOUGHT PROCESS this week, as well as funny shit that happens in class and maybe how gay I am for Glenn Rane. Look forward to it!

i know kung fu (fighting games, hard work, and yomi)

I began fighting games the wrong way. The Mortal Kombat way. You know what was particularly wrong with me though? I didn't ever block. I always felt like it was a waste. Why spend your time holding a button, taking chip damage, and allowing yourself to get mixed up when you could just evade attacks and strike back at them? Combos? It was all about super spamming. The only relevant moves were jumping kick and uppercut. That was how I always thought and it reflected as my ass got beat all the time. 

As time moved forward, certain games began to receive more technical attention while others began to fall behind. If you look closely at Street Fighter, the game has many, many technicalities that will show obvious skill gaps when it comes to understanding hitboxes and frame data. Mortal Kombat, however, failed because its technicalities resulted in infinites - ending games in under 15 seconds was hardly the correct sample size to measure skill. 

KUNG FU

Everyone knows kung fu. A butcher, who practices cleanly slicing the meat from the bone from day to day, knows kung fu. A ballet dancer, who practices her balance and forms constantly, knows kung fu. A computer programmer, who writes codes incessantly, knows kung fu. The actual pair of words "kung fu" doesn't mean a Bruce Lee martial art, it means mastery through dedication. Mastery of fighting games is no exception, and is a hobby that cannot be cheated. What non-fighting game players fail to realize is the level of depth and comprehension required to maximize one's potential in a Street Fighter esque game. You literally have to know your character from head to toe, your opponent's character from head to toe, how they interact, and how to deal with it. Ontop of knowing the game fundamentally, you'll need to get into your opponent's head and understand what his goals are and turn those into your advantage by utilizing tricks and baits. 

YOMI

Is the Japanese term for "mind" or "mind games". Once a player has optimized his execution and understanding of the mechanics of the game, he must learn to get into his opponent's head. This allows you to answer things before they happen, or use unexpected techniques to mix up your opponent. 

Why am I writing this article? Cause I believe that the fighting game genre doesn't receive enough attention nor respect. It's something that I've learned to appreciate, watching myself grow into a stronger player slowly but surely. The progress I've made is astounding, looking back at how I played a year ago from now. 

BIG NEWS!!! NEXT ARTICLE - THE STORY OF EHD, THE CONSTANTLY COINCIDENTIALLY LUCKY MAN. LOOK FORWARD TO IT!

banira soruto (the origin of vanilla salt)

I'm actually quite surprised that no one has asked where or how I came to terms with the name for this blog. I suppose the content is somewhat self-explanatory, but I'd like to just open up a bit more for people who are curious. 

My personality thrives on imperfection. It is my god-given duty to point out these flaws in the nature and mentality of man, to console it, and to ridicule it. Many a person would call me cynical or vulgar, but I have no shame in saying what's on your mind for you, as well as opening new avenues for your train of thought to follow. The hilarity that ensues is only a side-effect of letting you peer through my spectacles. Beneath my analytical and obscene mask of words is in the end nothing but just me: a learning boy trying to understand the secrets of the world.

Vanilla is the beautiful part of the world and salt is the ugly. One cannot exist without the other, and the combination is what allows the seismic scale of life to vibrate rigorously with constant highs and lows. It is this eternal struggle that defines who and what we are. 

MADHOUSE presents RIDEBACK

I am ever in my eternal search for quality anime. The task is difficult, but ever so often I manage to find a series that really resounds with brilliance and perfection. First episodes are generally never a good judge, but there are just some series that you can tell right away will leave their mark in the annals of history.

It's not often that I'm so hyped about something that I'd want to share it with the world right away, but there's no way that MADHOUSE (the same studio that produced DEATH NOTE) could possibly mess this one up. 

Synopsis:

Rin's mother was a world-class ballet dancer, and Rin only wished to follow in her footsteps. In the year 2025, an organization known as the GGP had invaded the world and created the first successful global "suppression". Although considered a success, there is much angst against the new government. During this time, however, nothing matters for Rin, as she had never done anything but dance her heart away. 

Episode 1 Review (spoilers!):

During Rin's first major recital, she tears a ligament and plans to resign from ballet forever. She feels that she is unsastisfied with herself, as she will always be eclipsed by the shining image of her late mother. Subtle references would suggest that her mother passed away in an earthquake several years back, which would also be a reason for her decision to quit. However, when she discovers the rideback by chance, her spirit is reinvigorated by a new way to "dance". The scene where she plows through the signposts and flies over the ledge made me begin to well up inside. I really have to congratulate MADHOUSE on this one: her expression was worth a million words, completely immersed in awe and freedom, as if she were a bird trapped in a cage and finally freed. The scenery is so pure and beautiful, something that rarely shows up in anime let alone executed to this quality. One word: amazing. 

I don't plan on reading the manga just yet, but sometimes the story is just too good to sit around and wait every week for. From the looks of it, there will be much substance to this gorgeously looking anime. This also looks like a title that I would recommend to other people right off the bat, as it has no particular favored genre. 

This is going to be the general layout of my anime blogs from now on: 4 screencaps and a short review. Don't read the reviews if you haven't seen the episode (or care about spoilers)!

understanding the game (recognizing why your heart got savagely ripped out)

I guess you could call me a sensitive man. I tend to invest a lot of emotion and time into things that I probably shouldn't, because in the end it always has a tendency to backfire in the most unpleasant of manners. However, my poor experiences were hardly for naught, as I began to recognize the same patterns and difficulties each time. I used to think that being a decent person with kind tendencies would pull you through, but I'm afraid that doesn't even cut it close. There are invisible rules, you see, that dictate the guidelines to a successful relationship (for yourself, anyways). It's unforunate that, when seeking a compatible mate, you must engage in the "game". The "game" is a series of mindfucks that are traded between a male and a female (or male:male / female:female for all you pc fucks) that will result in the "upper hand" for one of the players. The "upper hand" basically means you own the other person's soul for the next few months before you reach a "break up". A "break up" is generally a loss for both parties, but is considered a major loss to the person without the "upper hand". For a male, the symptoms can include: lack of pussy, higher time investment with his "bro's", excessive drinking, excessive masturbating, excessive punching walls, excessive Counter Strike, excessive working out, desperate calls to various loose women on phone for advice, and more. For a female, the symptoms can include: armageddon, an extremely large phone bill, negative girl gossip, man withdrawls, excessive crying, excessive eating, excessive worrying, breast deflation, and more. Billions of people participate in the "game" daily and yet many people don't understand why they end up on the "butthurt end" of the situation. The "butthurt end" of the "game" is when you lose yourself to the other player then snap out of it one day only to realize what a fucking retard you've been. That's called the "I can't believe I dated that fucking dick" or "I can't believe I dated that fucking cunt" factor, depending on your sex. To avoid such problems, I will provide you the answers to a few simple questions that will help you obtain the "upper hand", so you can whip your boyfriends and pimpslap hos: 

Please follow along these questions and answer them truthfully before seeing the answers. After you have mentally (or verbally spoken out (though you'd probably sound like a retard)) thought up your answer, go ahead and highlight the white text to see what you might have said and then what you should have said. Remember that the "game" is a series of mindfucks - the goal is to make them feel bad about themselves so that they feel they need you. Blue questions are for males, red questions are for females. Good luck!

You are Michael. You have been dating Jane for several months now and would consider her your girlfriend.

"Michael, why don't you ever tell me you love me?"

Common Answers: 

"Oh Jane, I didn't know you felt that way, I love you so much!"

"Why don't you ever tell me you love ME? HUH?"

"Your eyes twinkle like stars against the midnight sky, your hair the red velvet of the sunset, your heart the cove that houses the river of feelings that flow from my heart."

Correct Answer:

"I don't know if I can really mean it if I say it right now."

"Michael, does this dress make me look fat?"

Common answers:

"Nothing looks more gorgeous than you do now."

"We should probably cut back on Del Taco, it's uh, starting to cost too much."

"If fat were the moon and I were the sun, eclipsed would be my eyes to the beauty before them."

Correct answer:

"I don't know."

"Michael, what do you think about kids?"

Common Answers:

"Kids are great, I love them!"

"You wanna make some right now?"

"I wonder what our kids would look like."

Correct Answer:

"Jane, what do you think about abortions?"

You are Jane. You have been dating Michael for several months now and would consider him your boyfriend.

"Jane, I'm going to hang out with my buddies from highschool, okay?"

Common Answers:

"Okay honey, don't stay out too late!"

"Who's gonna be there?"

"Don't leave me here alone, I'm scared of the dark."

Correct Answer:

"That's cool, I was about to go meet up with my frat buddy Blake later. Dinner should be in the fridge if I don't come back tonight."

"Jane, how many guys have you ever had sex with?"

Common Answers:

"I can count them on one hand."

"You're my first, I love you!"

"I can count them on two hands."

Correct Answer:

"Does oral count?"

"Jane, am I enough to satisfy you?"

Common Answers:

"Don't worry hun, you're great!"

"You fill me up every time."

"That doesn't matter dear, all that matters is that I love you."

Correct Answer:

"Hey I'm going to the mall with Stacy in a bit, I'll be back for dinner. Bye, love you!"

Good riddance. This what my bitter experiences have taught me. Just maintain the edge, and you should never fall behind in love. I hope you guys now understand the intricacies of the mindfucks of the "game". Go out and happy mindfucking!

Sorry no article on weather. Few notes: Xam'd 23 was amazing, checking out a new anime RIDEBACK, some more anecdotes from school coming out: look forward to it!

i will hurricane whenever i fucking want to (today's art lesson: CONTRAST)

People often wonder what it is that we artists do in an art school. Do we put on aprons and paint our hearts away? Whip out charcoal and sketch naked ladies? Dress in tie-dye apparrel? Cry in the corner cause our future is doomed? No, not really. We don't do much of that at all (except for the last one, maybe sometimes). 

I used to call myself an artist, but I've reached a dilemma. I want to make money too. What the hell do you call an artist that makes money? A paradox? I'm taking these classes, see... ones that include math (ew), logistics, psychology, marketing, and the whole lot. Why am I doing this? Shouldn't I be painting an apple or taking polaroid pictures or something? What I truly am, as my Advertising Design teacher put it, is a "glorified business man". I don't paint for expression, I paint for a client. I don't paint with a paintbrush, I paint with a design brief and a cup of coffee. I don't cry when my artwork doesn't sell, I get fired. Corporate art is much different from fine art - we're in it for the money. That isn't to say there isn't some freedom, a little bit of humor, and a tad of expression, but it's generally kept on the down-low. Chances are if it's too daring, your client will freak the fuck out, shit his pants, and light your artwork on fire before you get the chance to say Geico (oh wait). 

Speaking of contrast, between fine and corporate art, I'd like to give you all a little art lesson today. There are several types of visual contrast in terms of design, color, heirarchy, and value. Let's just narrow it down to color for the sake of your sanity. There are seven types of color contrast: light & dark, warm & cold, simultaneous, extension, hue, complementary, and saturation. An example of light & dark would be yellow and violet; complementary red and green; warm and cold, orange and blue; etc. So yea, I was sitting in class bored as fuck while my fob teacher was telling us all of this useless bullshit (she even said it was useless herself), and then we get to "extension contrast". Extension contrast's definition is weird: "a small amount of warm color against a large amount of cool." I have never heard of something like that. What kind of odd situation would fucking require a little bit of red or pink on a big pile of blue?

Let's just say I found my answer during that same lecture.

Tomorrow! A blog about the shitty weather!

new years resolutions (no jokes in this one)

For those of you who don't know (well actually, I don't think anyone outside of my family knows), my body isn't exactly the most sturdy. I'm not sure when it exactly started, but it's gotten progressively worse since about a year and a half ago. I am constantly fatigue, my skin chaps and blackens easily, and I also have a separate sinus problem (swollen membranes) that prevent me from breathing fully. I used to get sick all the time as a kid, and even though I've built up resistances and immunities since, it's more like I'm learning to block out the symptoms while my body is technically still being hurt by my lack of care. The path to health will require weight loss, proper diet, and scheduled sleeping. Breaking the habit every once in a while is okay, but the way I am now, I fear that I may never return to health unless I make that conscious effort to heal myself. It really sucks cause I know I have multiple groups of friends that all prefer the night life, but necessary sacrifices must be made. 

From now on, I will probably be trying to sleep earlier each day. Proper sleeping cycles aren't just for maximizing amount of time slept, but your body has a natural cleansing timer that occurs from 11PM to 3AM. If you pass this mark, your body's detox systems don't get to function fully, and your body suffers. That's why you always feel like shit after staying up too late, even if you got a good amount of sleep. About two months ago, I tried sleeping around 1AM each day, and I felt amazing for that week. As soon as my schedule messed up again, I felt dreary each day. I'm sick of feeling like I'm half-dead all the time.

The other thing I need to control is my eating. I actually don't eat an insane amount, but I eat large quantities, at few meals, and at improper times. Anyone aiming for healthy weight loss shouldn't consume past 9PM. God knows how many times I've gone to BCD, Norms, or Del Taco and broken that rule (especially Del Taco, fuck). 

If there's anything I want to accomplish this year, disregarding work or school or gaming or personal life, it's that I want to feel rejuvenated every day because I slept and ate properly.

School begins tomorrow. Negishi fuck. I didn't even get anything done during winter break. Hopefully my career development class will allow me to actually work on my campaign ideas. Next up this week! Weekly anime reviews, a peek at my artwork, my plans for the future, and my PET PEEVES. Damn I hate bad drivers.

forbidden love - memory of vancouver (random)

I wonder. Wonder wonder wonder. Just how loose can women be? I remember hearing from a close friend of mine (yes, a female) that women are just as horny as men. What's the catch? Well first off, they don't ever show it, they like to hint at it with small actions and shit. Secondly, the don't have a huge boner sticking out of their pants. Granted they can get all slobbery down there, nothing says "HI! WANT TO FUCK?" like pitching a tent. (I also wonder if that's why girls buy so many pairs of underwear - is it cause they get horny all the time and mess up the fabric? I dunno.) Anyways, I always think about all the times I could have had sex but didn't because I couldn't tell if the girl was horny or not. I didn't want to make a move and then get the "no-no" face. You never want to see the "no-no" face, cause then you feel like an ass for trying to stick your hand down her pants and then everything gets all awkward. Sometimes they just want to cuddle with someone and you get the wrong message. Fucking bitches, stop toying with my feelings (and my penis's feelings). 

And so there was this one time my family drove up to Vancouver, Canada to meet my dad's highschool friend. Now this guy is l-o-a-d-e-d. I mean multi-billioniare with a big ass home next to a running creek high up on a hill overlooking a big ass lake in Vancouver. At night you can open the window, smell the pine and listening to the water. Ontop of being loaded, he had three kids: two daughters and a son. Now the son was like two years younger than me, one of the daughters was about to graduate college, and the other one was one year older than me. I didn't see any of them till it was time for dinner, and boy was I in for a surprise. Their mom walks in, and she's just fugly. Like hot damn, she looked like a young grandma (if that makes any sense), like her face was saggy but it wasn't wrinkly. Whatever. The boy walks in and he's just a super-fob with the typical orange streaks and falling hair. Then to my greatest surprise, his 18 year old daughter walks in. 

Holy fuck.

Okay well she wasn't fucking HOT HOT, but she was fucking cute as fuck. Fuck. I was trying not to look at her while I ate dinner. I hate those games, where your eyes are constantly moving back and forth trying to ninja-glance her, but when her eyes move towards yours you try to ninja-glance-vanish away but you're always like .2 seconds too slow so she knows you're looking at her. So that went on for a long ass time, and after we watched a movie and chatted over some tea, we were all ready for sleep. She smiled at me and said, "see you tomorrow!" We went off to our rooms for bed. Yes, we all had our own rooms. Yes that's how big his big-ass house was. Miss Cutie (I forgot her name) was two rooms away from mine, the separating room being just a towel storage room. She was so close! I could feel the warmth of her immaculate body emminating through the walls and beckoning my penis for first blood. So that was the dilemma. I kept thinking to myself: damn I should like, go knock on her door and try to talk to her or some shit, get comfortable with her first. At this point, I was still a virgin so I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Now that I think back on it, I shoulda tried and knocked on her door late at night. Sheltered girls like that always come out wild and crazy after they've had even just a little taste. Maybe I could have! I thought about it!

I ended up just jacking off and throwing the tissues out the window into the creek.

On another note, I found this sexy ass Yoko figure in production - I might actually buy this one!!!

Self reminders: work on modifying existing art pieces to put up here, work on new advertising pieces for old brands, show design process for working on WOWHEAD logo, and keep blogging various anime stuff.

storm combo (playing magic without playing magic)

I started actually playing magic during my freshman year in highschool at the blue tables (where are the asian nerds sat). Many memorable moments were made and I can even still remember what my metagame was: auriok champon + loxodon warhammer.dec, wellwisher.dec, ball lightning.dec, zombieswarm.dec, and birds.dec. Could it have been any more typical? 

It was also pretty typical of me to get pretty serious about it and go online to find a decklist. The first deck I actually made competitive was a wizard tribal deck. That shit raped many faces, but soon I began to felt the allure of powerful decks. My first constructed deck was MBC, featuring Grid Monitor, Promise of Power, Barter in Blood, and Extraplanar Lense. Keep in mind, the level of play at my table consisted of "OMG haste creatures are SO GOOD", "what's a stack?", and "WHAT YOU CAN'T PLAY BARTER IN BLOOD UNLESS YOU SAC TWO CREATURES TOO!".  /sigh

Let me tell you guys though, as nerdy of a hobby MTG was, it actually changed my mental processing by a great amount. That's actually going to be a whole nother blog post in itself, as I explain how isolating trivial factors and drawing the quickest path to achieving a goal went from being a tactic in MTG to becoming a tactic for everything I do. Today, however, I'd like to talk about what kind of Magic player I am (the kind everyone hates). 

JOHNNY COMBO PLAYER

That's what they call people who try to play Magic without really playing the game (or a retard with really bad combination decks). I was instantly drawn in by the idea of being able to kill your opponent in one fell swoop, and have been in love with the archetype ever since. Our goal is to assemble, as quickly as possible, a combination of cards that results in instant or inevitable victory. I wasn't in the competitive mindset when they introduced the STORM mechanic during Scourge, but now I understand that it was a very important benchmark in the history of combo. 

STORM MECHANIC

When you play this spell, copy it for each spell played before it this turn. You may choose new targets for the copies. 

I'm not sure if they had thoroughly tested this mechanic before it was released, but cards like Tendrils of Agony or Brain Freeze could easily reach lethal storm count by just playing mana acceleration and cantrips, then using the insane number of tutors available to either find your storm card or find the mana needed to produce more storm. Coupled with cards like Yawgmoth's Will or Necropotence, you could instantly win the game within a the first few turns - even backed by protection and through disruption (in fact, disruption actually adds to storm count in many cases lol)!

THE CURRENT STATE OF STORM IN LEGACY (the only relevant format in the game)

Legacy is quite healthy right now. Top 8s are always shifting, and the format is determined by a powerful set of cards that function throughout multiple archetypes. There is a good number of control, aggro-control, pure agrro, and combo - including leeway for lots of improvisational and experimentational decklists. Storm combo thrives in a format that allows access to older mana acceleration and tutors of greater caliber, though of course leaving the most powerful of powerful for Vintage. 

THREE POWERHOUSES: TES, ANT, FT 

Some would argue the inclusion of Belcher and Spanish Inquisition, but both of those are considered "pure speed" variants, with less options and versatility compared to the three former. TES, or The Epic Storm, packs the biggest punch by running a chromatic, threat-dense deck. ANT, or Ad Nauseum Tendrils, features the speediest way to consistently resolve an early Ad Nauseum and draw out ~15-20 cards before comboing off. FT, or Fetchland Tendrils, plays a control route and finds the opportune turn to go off, backed by protection. All three decks carry ~30 or so similar cards, but play completely differently. The thing about storm decks is that they require lots of branched though processing, some math, lots of practice to see all the minor interactions, and reading your opponent. Because games are usually decided in one turn, it is of utmost importance to understand what you're up against and how to achieve your goal with the allotted resources. 

I personally prefer TES because of its inherent threat density. The deck packs 8 tutors, 2 utility tutors, 2 optional storm engines, a prismatic sideboard, and numerable paths to victory that the other archetypes just do not have. The explosiveness generally asks to go off on the average of turn 3 (now turn 2 due to Ad Nauseum) protected by either Duress or Orim's Chant. The current decklist is as follows:

T.E.S. (w/ Mystical Tutor)

by Bryant Cook

Lands
4 Gemstone Mine
4 City of Brass
1 Undiscovered Paradise
1 Forbidden Orchard

Spells
4 Orim’s Chant
4 Dark Ritual
4 Rite of Flame
4 Lion’s Eye Diamond
4 Lotus Petal
4 Infernal Tutor
4 Burning Wish
4 Brainstorm
3 Ponder
4 Chrome Mox
2 Mystical Tutor
2 Ad Nauseum
2 Cabal Ritual
2 Duress
1 Ill-Gotten Gains
1 Tendrils of Agony
1 Chain of Vapor

SB:1 Diminishing Returns
SB:1 Ill-Gotten Gains
SB:1 Tendrils of Agony
SB:1 Empty the Warrens
SB:1 Grapeshot
SB:3 Pyroblast
SB:3 Shattering Spree
SB:2 Vexing Shusher
SB:1 Wipeaway
SB:1 Duress 

The only slot I would debate is the Chain of Vapor. It deals with Teeg, yes, but fat chance getting rid of Counterbalance. I'm not even sure if it's needed for the storm count and mana fixing that everyone claims it's so amazing for. In goldfishing, I know it hasn't even helped me once. 

Next blog! MY ARTWORK!!! Be prepared to see some of the most (not) amazing shit in your life! Well actually, I'm a bit too lazy so maybe no artwork yet. BUT! I will probably have some up by next week, I promise. Since school is starting, I'll probably only have like 3 or 4 updates a week, depending on if I have anything to talk about. ALSO - CASSHERN 14 WAS AMAZING.

GONZO presents DRUAGA NO TO: THE SWORD OF URUK

The infamous series has returned for its second half! Druaga no To (or The Tower of Druaga) follows a band of "climbers" that scale a great pinnacle filled with various medieval trials and dangers. All of this is backed by a great amount of comedy and drama. While the first season might not have been successful, Gonzo managed to create several very memorable characters. Ontop of that, they broke off the series with one of the biggest slapped-in-the-face-feeling cliffhangers (for those who haven't seen it, I won't spoil anything). I'm not sure if this show is worth blogging at the moment, but I'll let it run a few episodes before I decide whether or not it's worth my time to talk about. I'll just say that the first episode did an excellent job stirring my interest. Let's hope it only gets better!

I actually had a lot more to write about today (especially about the new Samsung Eternity phone I got), but look at the timestamp and you'll know why I didn't. Keep checking back, and thanks for reading my useless bullshit. :)

treacherous beast of toxic rhetoric (oh how I embrace you so)

I'm partial to Freudian in that, to a sense, we adhere to our most subconscious goal without thinking it. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. What is our ultimate purpose in life? Money? Happiness? One could say that money leads to happiness, but what does money buy that generates such a feeling?  Happiness and joy is the product events that are pleasing to the doer or the receiver. So technically, happiness cannot be "bought", however, physical objects that can be bought cause the side-effect of joy and result in happiness. So rather than asking that question, we ask: what can money not buy that brings happiness? The root cause and driving power that motivates human beings (and animals) to do things can be broken down into two simple reasons: self-gratification and to attract the opposite sex for procreation. I had previously believed that procreation was the sole motivator, but that didn't explain several exceptions to the case (I'll probably go over those in the future, but for now, I'd like to talk solely about women). What caused me to reach this train of thought? By isolating all factors and moving further and further down the tree of natural human desire. Here's an example:

You buy a red BMW Beamer > why? > to show your status.

You show your status > why? > to impress others.

You impress others > why? > to show women that you are a worthy mate.

WOMEN

The beginning of all life (that we know so far) starts with the attraction between two entities. The fusion or ritual between these two entities forms a new life, and the cycle repeats itself through eternity. An oversimplification, yes, but it is the basis for the laws of attraction that even humans, with all of their wisdom, cannot escape from. It is written in our blood and the very spark of our life to spread our seed and produce offspring.

Bear with me as I make a very weak attempt at grasping the idea of "woman".

"Woman" or "female", is a state of mind. Of course there are physical differences between "male" and "female", and they are instrumental in creating the stereotypes that we have today, but our core being is still human, and thus we are all the same but two parts of a whole. There is often the notion that women are more sensitive with their feelings, are generally more nurturing, are naturally more slender and soft. This truism becomes solid fact because humans, over the course of thousands of years, had deemed it so. Females of the mammal type are generally the gatherers and caretakers,the males the hunters and protectors. As time has progressed and progressive idealism begins emerge, the gap in sexes begins to diminish, and man and woman see eye-to-eye. We realize although males may be capable of a stronger physical build, both beings wield an equal amount of power over the mind and soul. In modern-day cases, I would strongly argue that the woman is as powerful, if not more powerful, than the man.

Before I delve into the mindset of a woman, I'd like to tell you just a bit about how I reached this conclusion. The general consensus about men is that they are generally insensitive and crave only sexual pleasure from females. While this can be true, recognizing that homosexual males have the tendancy to become more sensitive and "feminine" prevents the previous statement from becoming solid fact. This is why I believe that the "woman" is a mindset and therefore not limited by physical differences between the sexes. In fact, you can replace every instance of the word "woman" in this post with "woman mindset".

Women have claimed victim throughout history, and they have rightfully earned such claims. However, it is also proven fact that women have power over men in ever-so discreet ways. Where men seem to win at face value, women always have the sleight of hand advantage. A large reason for this stems from sexual attraction and appeal. Where females would claim they were being "treated as a piece of meat" is also claiming that they hold the power to control the desire of man. Only women who are smart enough and not in disadvantageous position (or vile enough), understand this leverage, can use it to bend the will of the opposite sex. This course of action, however, is not easily controlled and can backfire, which leads the speculation into the actual desires of women. 

Men often wonder: "what do women want?". Women are never direct. When they want something and aren't 100% comfortable with asking for it, they will find every possible way to bend words and use subtle actions to achieve their goals. That's not the problematic part though, because men are capable of this as well. The problematic part is that the "woman" mentality is fickle and sensitive to the world around her. The slightest change in wind direction can send her heart and head in a different direction. Intuition and impulse guide the way. This is the result of mental desire obstruction, and leads me to final part of my speculation: the pressures and rules that humanity has imposed upon females, and the female's obligation to follow it or become an outcast. This creates stress and pockets of insecurity in the "woman" mentality (an equal amout of fear for the possibility of an unaccepted homosexuality).

No one is at fault for this. Humans evolved and became more logical and more egalitarian to support the needs of the people and to battle racial differences. However, underlying implications for sexes were much slower to change and are still currently playing catch-up. This is the result of the hunter protector versus the gatherer caretakers. The hunter protector is the breadwinner and the strong man. In terms of face value, the man is the leader of the pack and is therefore entitled to a higher tier of priveleges. However, women of this age seek equality because the hunter-protector-gatherer-caretaker is no longer as relevant. (Sorry right now for this sidetrack, but it's important). The world didn't used to be so visually-based. Much was passed down through a general understanding of the unspoken rules to the natural order of life. Men were workers and women were mothers. With the rise of visual mediums and media, from print to television to the internet, the original physical allure of women overpowers the breadwinning powers of the man. (I learned about this in an art history/philosophy class, and it is very true). As a visually-based society, women have once again single-handedly gained greater power than man because of one simple reason: sex appeal. Note as the balance shifts in parallel: the rise of visual medium coincides with the rise in the aptitude of women. This returns to my original idea: that humanity is driven by the genetically built-in desire to reproduce. Also, this is not a rag on women, this is my grasp on the current relationship on man and woman and the explanation for how a girl will manage to keep her boyfriend from going out to drink with his best friends because she decided to throw a tantrum and pout. That's real power. 

Coming soon! Blog about my new phone (when I get it) and probably an article on "how MTG changed my thought process" as well as "the origin of 'vanilla salt'". Sorry if today's writing was a bit boring, but it was something that I've always wanted to express and never had a chance to. Until next time, Ciao!

thank god for fucking mexicans

I love fast food.

There's something about that disgustingly glorious oil dripping that turns me on hotter than a naked chick strapped to a refrigerator with nipples protruding from the peanut-butter spread across her chest. I used to be Burger King man, but I started to feel like all of the burger joints just weren't cutting it anymore. The ground beef patties tasted bland, there was always too much salt on the fries, and there was always so much ketchup it was like eating a fresh vaj pad at the end of her cranky day. As I matured and my taste buds had surveyed the vast variety of fat-food chains, I finally came eye-to-eye with my first love: Del Taco. I'm not talking about puppy-love or a crush or even a one-night stand fuck, I'm talking about some deep shit man, like something you'd give your life for or go shopping with on Saturday afternoons. If the way to a man's heart is from the stomach, then chicken soft tacos have me by the fucking balls.

WHAT MAKES DEL TACO SO AMAZING?

First off, the obvious: dirt cheap tacos. 79 cents? ARE YOU JK? I could buy maybe a condom and get half the enjoyment. Second off, the TACOS are to die for. Del Taco is the only place where I could spend like 12 bucks and feed myself for an eternity and a half. There's nothing that even compares to the feeling of ramming taco after taco into your mouth (it's probably akin to getting rammed in the butthole by a 12-incher and feeling the collision of his hips against your soft butt cheeks, not that I would know anything about that). Lastly, the sauce. THE FUCKING SAUCE. SAUCE OF GODS. SAUCE OF THE PENIS ALMIGHTY VAGINA JUICE. OMG HANNAH MONTANA!

CONCLUSION

I mean vaginal fluids are delicious, but they pale in comparison to Del Taco's DEL INFERNO sauce. Fuck, if a woman would let me squirt some of that shit all over her sweet spots, that would be paradise complete.

Sorry, no article about women yet. I got home too late and was too lazy to write it. I'll save it for a better day. I'm thinking about writing about MTG next blog, so we'll see. I might also have some funny stories after tomorrow night.