the taste of sheer anger (a tale of lost sleep)

I don't give a shit who reads this post, or what people think of me after tonight, or if people will get in trouble for it. I want to make sure that I am perfectly clear on what I have to say.


This blog post is probably going to be one of the more peculiar ones, as I am writing this "in the moment". To say the least, I am angry. It takes quite a bit to get me all riled up, but there are just a few things that send me over the edge rather quickly. Before I get into that though, let's flash back a week or so ago.


My parents would be out of town during spring break. This a green light for me and my sister to host gatherings at our pad. Skipping forward a bit, I had two miniature gatherings for some old friends of mine, and I promised to let my sister host something Sunday (or yesterday). So Cory and Genny come over and my sister asks me to pick her up two 30 blocks of beer. So now I know that alcohol is going to be involved in this party - okay sure whatever. I trust my sister enough that I know things won't get out of hand. 


Here's where things get tossed into the haymaker. I have class at 7:30 the next morning, so I tell my sister to clean up after herself, and then hit the sack before midnight. Prior to this party, I asked my sister exactly what time it would end. She said it would take 4 hours (starting at 8). Okay we all know that 4 hours isn't going to happen, so I figured I'd give them an hour or two leeway. I try to fall asleep for about 30 minutes before realizing that it's going to be an impossible task. I then set myself to playing a bit of Final Fantasy XIII, hoping that it'd die down soon. It's 3AM and they're still noisy as fuck. I storm outside of my room to take a piss, except both our bathrooms are occupied, so I go to my parents' room. On my way back up the stairs, my sister and I make eye contact, and I give her an ice cold stare. If that wasn't enough, I slammed my door as hard as I could so that everyone at the party could hear it. I figured that my sister would wise up and tell people that it was time to either shut the fuck up or leave. Well, this bullshit continues for another 30 minutes and I'd had it. I call the house, and my sister picks up the phone in a cheery voice. I tell her to come upstairs, and she instantly changes her tone. "Okay".


All the lights are off in my room and I can hear her sniffling as she slowly climbed the stairs. When she gets here I drop bombs on her. "I thought this party was only going to be four hours? You know I have class in three hours. I probably won't even be able to make it because I'm deprived of sleep. You're denying me class, you're wasting my money, you're wasting mom's money." I am fuming at this point, and her rebuttals included that she couldn't get people to leave and that others claimed they were too drunk. I think this is the part that ticked me off the most. Don't invite people that you won't be able to control, and if they're too drunk, tell them to get a fucking cab. I tell her that I am THIS close to kicking everyone in the house out, including her boyfriend. I don't give a fuck if people don't have rides, I don't give a fuck if they don't want to leave, this is my fucking house and I need fucking sleep. She leaves my room and I expect some results. Well, it's still loud downstairs and now I am completely furious. Either my sister isn't being vocal enough about it or these people are all just meatheads. They had pulled the last straw. 


My sister knows that I like to play Guilty Gear, and I know that you can hear the tapping sounds of my joystick in the entire house. I got out of bed, turned on the TV, and started playing Guilty Gear. I think that got the message across, cause the house turned pretty damn quiet after that. In my anger, I decided to just not sleep and so I am sitting here with my music and writing in my blog about this utterly pointless all-nighter.


I try hard not to be mean to my sister. I don't like doing it, and I feel bad when I am obligated to. I know she looks up to me in many ways, and it kills me to embarrass her in front of her friends. But some things just do not fly, and this is one of them. I realize it's also partly just mistiming, as today is the last day of my spring break while tomorrow is the first of theirs. Regardless, that doesn't mean I'm going to allow an underage drinking fiesta continue into overtime at my house, with a slew of strangers that don't want to leave, while I need to wake up at 6AM.  I think I was already nice enough to buy alcohol for my sister, allow her to invite ~20 people to our house, and not tell the parentals about it. Part of me wants to teach her a lesson, and I know that telling my parents about it would be the most devastating way to do it, but I also know that doing so would literally destroy the rest of her years in this household. 


In the end, I'm going to decide against it. I think she learned her lesson already when I expressed my anger towards her tonight. People might think I'm overreacting or a douchebag, but you know what, it irks me when my sister is unable to handle herself. 


My body is fairly unhealthy right now and this isn't helping. Fuck I am tired.