a month in the red country (a tale of beer, cigarettes, and 1 dollar fried rice)

China - a land of growing prosperity, a culture of deep history, and the cheapest fucking food in the universe. I have many profound things to say about my brief visit to the red country, but first I must proclaim that beer is cheaper than water. Think about that for a second.

Since the beginning of October all the way till now, I've been in Guangzhou, China, exploring the other side of the world and experiencing what my distant biological origin has to offer. I've learned many things - sad things, funny things, amazing things, but most of all I've learned that China, while evolving rapidly, is stuck in the uncomfortable position of growing out of its old shoes. Not only was I able to witness the daily routine of city-dwellers, but I was introduced to all different facets of the design and marketing industry thanks to my dear aunt, Amy. I shadowed around an ad agency for three weeks, and spent some time visiting her large print factory. While I will go into more detail about this later (probably in an entirely different post), my realization is that China is second to no one when it comes to execution and technique, but utterly fails when it comes to innovation. The "traditional" mentality of both clients and marketers are forever in this awkward state of wanting to progress while still maintaining the flavors of China. The result is an ad nauseum of ideas that carry no variation from one brand to the next. Because of the over-abundance of people, the value of labor is non-existent. A country that does not care for the well-being of its own populace, drowned in selfishness and progressive mongering - this is the China of today. And while it may seem that all of these are negatives, it is because of peoples of the Republic of China, in all of their concentration and unfaltering dedication, that persevere and are able to catch up to the neo-world over the span of twenty years in comparison to the hundred that Western countries have had.

That's enough talk about the state of China. Let's move on with MY story!

Crossing the Pacific

Courtesy of Mr. Takanawa

I told myself I wouldn't watch a tear-jerker. There's nothing more awkward than trying to block the person sitting next to you's sight with your elbows while you quietly whimper. While I started off by watching Evangelion 1.0 (You are "Not" Alone) (amazing) and "Tomorrow Never Dies" (I know fucking random right? rofl), I ended up watching "Dear My Love", a Japanese love-comedy-drama about three couples re-discovering the meaning of "love" at the age of 60. I'm not a sucker for chick flicks nor was this movie a chick flick. However, while watching this movie, I will proudly admit that I had use my elbows to block Mr. Takanawa from seeing my watering eyes multiple times throughout. Japanese - they know romance-tragedy, and NOT the kind that involves cancer and memory loss.

Sai no Rabureta, "Dear My Love"

I would usually write something about the airplane food but I honestly don't remember what I had to eat. All I remember was that on the transfer flight from Tokyo/Narita to Guangzhou, I sat next to a Pakistani dude (lol talk about awkward being an American right?) who ordered this special Pakistani food that smelled just as bad as he did. He also sat cross-legged on the seat with his shoes off, so I had the wonderful pleasure of having a curry scent added to my meals. We had polite conversations - apparently he was a businessman who had been living in Japan for near 20 years! He even has a Japanese wife! All the while I was thinking to myself: "props to her! She must really fucking love curry!".

A Life by the Lake

I arrive in Guangzhou pretty late at night. Customs were a fucking bitch and I ended up being the LAST person in line to get my shit stamped and whatnot. Amy and her good friend, Xiao Jun, were there to pick me up. I slept pretty well in the car, and when we arrived at my aunt's house, I was literally awestruck.

Breathtaking view of the lake from the third floor of her house.

Xiao Jun snorlaxing on this stylish couch.

My aunt has great taste. A very modern looking home.

I knew that my aunt had a son, but when the front door opened there was a cute little girl waiting to take my shoes and give me a pair of household sandals. I thought to myself: "oh maybe it was a daughter and not a son?" But then her son came out from his room and only then did I connect the dots - she was the house maid! Talk about what-the-fuck-baller! (Only later did I realize the sad truth that she only costs $150 a month to do all of the cooking, cleaning, and housework) Amy prepared the glass house on the third floor for me to sleep in. The experience was breath-taking, laying on my back, seeing the scenery 360 degrees, the stars and the moon, with a gentle, cool breeze from the lake caressing my skin. What-the-fuck-baller indeed.

The Story of Ah-Tsun

Let me begin my explaining the nick-name system in China. Chinese names are comprised of three characters: Last name followed by middle name followed by first name. When you call someone by their nick, you take the last character (in other words, the first name), and add an "ah" to the beginning of it. When I woke up for breakfast the next day, I smelled something wonderful from the kitchen. The house maid, Ah-Tsun (which stands for "orange"), was making Chinese pancakes and a buttload of various dishes. I was thinking to myself: "wow this girl can do quite a bit at such a young age". The craziest part is that she looks like she's 12, but she's actually 18! You can never tell with asians. She always puts up a smile and never complains about anything, and so when I inquired later about her story, Amy spilled the beans. Ah-Tsun came from a family that was so poor that they often times could not afford to eat. Her father is sick and her mother works two jobs, desperately trying to support the family. At the age 16, after highschool, Ah-Tsun decided to give up her pursuit of higher education and enter the workforce to pay for her father's medical bills and to support her younger brother so that he may achieve what she could not. However, the age requirement to work in the city's larger factories is 18. One of Amy's management underlings hired Ah-Tsun out of pity, and she spent several months in the print factory. One day, Amy was inspecting the factory and caught sight of Ah-Tsun.

"How old are you?!" she demanded.

"Sixteen."

"Too young, get out."

While this may seem harsh and cruel, understand that the punishment for under-aged factory workers is heavy-handed. When Amy's underling explained Ah-Tsun's situation, she grew soft-hearted (who wouldn't?) and devised a proper solution. "Come home with me."

And that's her story. While I sometimes feel bad for her, she doesn't really feel this way herself. Growing up in a situation like her's is not all the uncommon in China. While Ah-Tsun wasn't really a central point of my trip, her presence and story had a large impact on me. This young lady, in front of me, has and is still enduring hardships far beyond my own comprehension - and meeting it all with a smile.

What is Considered a "Pretty Good" Hotel

So after spending the weekend at my aunt's lake house, it was time to get down to business. We drove to the city, which was about 45 minutes away, and I finally got a good look at urban life. What's the word to describe the feeling I had - people. There's so many fucking people everywhere it's god damn ridiculous. Xiao Jun pulls up at the corner of some big street and we get out of the car. The reception area looks pretty nice, but don't be fooled.

My room in a nutshell.

Yes, the toilet is connected to the shower. Or rather, the whole thing is one gigantic porcelain bath.

That is hair in the drain from the previous lodger. Awesome.

My humble little setup.

The metal in the water heater is rusted. Yummy.

My ghetto laundry rack.

Of course I can't and won't complain. Compared to some other places I've been to and seen, this was an absolute godsend. Either way, I had to bear with it, as my next 30 days or so would be spent in this room.

Print Factory

Amy then took me to visit her print factory, which was something like what I expected - in a broke, poor-ass neighborhood with a lot of workers, a lot of big machines, putting out amazing products. Take a look.

Ad Agency

The last stop of the day involved the ad agency that I would be shadowing for the next three weeks. This place is no joke. Located on the 17th floor of the Dong Bao tower, 天罡道 Toguidance Advertising Agency boasts several large clients, including Konka (a major electronics brand in China). Amy was classmates with the owner, and friends with the creative director, Quinton or QT. I was introduced to the offices and would be coming in every day to experience life in the agency.

Dong Bao Tower

That night we had dinner and they dropped me off at my hotel room. As I walked into the oddly crab-stenched room, I sat down on my bed and opened up blogspot only to realize that I could not. This was going to be a long, long journey.

The next morning, I woke up rather early. Having slept at 10PM the previous evening, it was only natural that I went downstairs at 7AM and started looking for something to eat before heading to work. I ended up just buying some bread at the store downstairs because I was located in an area with more business working places and less food carts / small restaurants (only did I find out later that these places were all hidden in the alleyways!). After breakfast, I decided that I would leave around 9:30 and arrive at my workplace by 10. I ended up arriving about 11 because I totally walked in the opposite direction (thanks to some poor directions by a local asshole), and fast walked till my otaku legs were on fire. You have no idea what the feeling was like - lost in a major city, walking in some direction HOPING you were on the right track, and still not seeing that gigantic tower with two huge red letters "DONG BAO".

Upon my arrival, the super-cute secretary sat me down in a little ring of people and introduced me to Ah-Sunh, my art director. I would eventually be helping them design the front of an up and coming laptop brand named Lapad. The next three weeks were quite fun, as I made friends with them and had some great laughs. Here, I'll share some of them with you; they have pictures to go with them lol!

My art director, Ah-Sunh, and Xiao Ing in the back.

Ah-Ming being a retard while Ah-Sunh is stressing over a deadline.

My other humble little setup.

Ah-Jie doing what he does best when he's not playing World of Warcraft.

Ah-Ming diligently taking notes.

nvm.

There's a hilarious story to this note. One of our coworkers decided he wanted to take the day off so he wrote down on the sign out form "going out to buy something". Of course he never came back that day, and the secretary called him and owned his ass. The result is this absence slip, docking his pay for the entire day. Reason? "Went out to buy something".

Eating a grand dinner with QT and co.

My work came to fruition, as the design I created will be used as the packaging for all Lapad laptops!

During my time at work, we often had to stay till about 9 or 10PM before we could clock out. This kind of mandatory overtime is not at all uncommon in China. As a result, my coworkers and I would often go out to eat dinner. We ate at this one place like 10 times, but I didn't mind, cause the fried rice there was only a dollar and fucking bomb.

The Food

Ok time out on the story. I have to do a blurb about the food here, cause it was definitely focal point of my trip. Let me start by saying that I lived off of about 80 bucks USD during my entire stay in China (sans purchasing some brand-name clothes - more on that in a bit). These 80 precious dollars included all of my meals, snacks, drinks, and traveling costs. Hell, I even paid for some of my co-workers' meals. Food is literally worthless here, but that doesn't stop it from tasting ridiculously good. Some of the best Chinese food I've ever had, without a doubt. Check it out.

The best fried rice I've ever had in my life.

The best fried rice I've ever had in my life to go.

Grand Master Chef Xiao Jun

Does that look fucking delicious or what? Homemade ftw

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Potstickers and quail eggs. De-fucking-licious.

This place was one of Amy's dear clients. The guy cooked up a fucking storm - something like 12 dishes.

Cow Brain Soup. Excellent flavor.

Tian Jing style food. This stuff was really, really tasty.

Porridge with chunks of yo tiaw inside. A treat from Ah-Sunh.

Fish wrapped in rice patty.

This was the best meal I had during my stay in China. In this pot is about 12 frogs. The flavor and texture was to die for. Add in meatballs, lamb and beef slices, and some vegetables, boiling in a spicy broth - amazing.

Leon, Amy's husband, is stunned by all the dishes here.

Yes that is a bird's head. Yes I sucked the brains out of it.

More home made cooking by Xiao Jun! We've got eggplant, beef n potatoes, and bamboo shoots!

I had to. This was during my first Friday and I was going to fucking celebrate.

Absolutely delicious. You wish America had fast food this good.

Another obligation. This time however, the food tasted exactly like American. In other words - fattening but fucking delish.

The Last Supper for me in China.

How I Spent my Weekends

After a week's worth of hard work at the ad agency, my aunt invited me out to Xiao Jun's birthday party. What did this involve? Karaoke...and drinking. Lots of drinking. After I pounded about 12 beers, my head was pulsating from the alcohol. That's when things started to get interesting, as me and this extremely cute chick chit-chat about my life in America. Bitch wanted my green card, I could tell at least that much. I ended up shrugging it off since she was pretty drunk too, but she ended up giving me her business card (to which I have not responded yet - and don't plan to lol).

Karaoke commence!

I LOVE BEER AND GIRLS.

This chick to the left was the girl I was talking about.

Xiao Jun is a little bit too happy

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...and wasted.

Everyone was yelling into the microphone and the lone bathroom in our karaoke room had vomit all over the sink. Around 3AM, I decided I had had enough and packed my shit and went home.

I didn't wake up till about 3PM the next day, but today I had a goal - to find a Guilty Gear Accent Core cab. I went ahead and hit up Tainhe Tsun and Bai Shong Guang Tsang. What did I meet with? The first, a Guilty Gear Slash cab without a dust button. Fucking awesome. Second, only a Blazblue cab with no one playing it. Epic. Fail. I went home somewhat sad, but thank god I found Stunedge and he ended up hooking me up with the Guangzhou GG scene.

A mall is worthless without a good arcade.

The next Friday, I went out to City Hero, an arcade that actually has an Accent Core cab and Accent Core players. There were a few guys there: a Dizzy, Zappa, Slayer, May, Bridget, Ky, and Sol. I made quick work of the Sol, Bridget, and May players, but the Dizzy and Zappa were made of something else. Between the retarded IAD crossup shenanigans, I was really starting to pull my hair out. The Zappa player was extremely aggressive, which is a bit odd from my experiences. The Slayer and Ky players were very good as well, but nothing I couldn't eventually trade games with. Overall, the Guangzhou GG scene is solid, but nowhere near the might of Japan (which I have come to experience prior to writing this).

I FOUND THE GG SCENE!!!!!!

On Saturday, I had my epic drinking day. Amy's husband's classmate opened up a small "Gypsy Den"-like lounge over in Tian He, and my first impression of the place was quite good. The dim lighting and ornate decorations set the mood for a great night. The owner introduced to us their signature drink, Long Island Iced Tea (go figure). The shit was good - slid down like silk. While conversing about the tribulations and trials between American and China, we had downed somewhere between five to six pitchers of this stuff. For those of you who aren't familiar with the contents of Long Island Iced Tea, we have here Tequila, Gin, Rum, Vodka, Triple Sec, and of course Coca Cola to fool our eager bodies. Around this time, the owner invited two female employees to come sit with us. One had to leave early, but the other one and I totally hit it off. We talked with my aunt about how our generation doesn't believe in male superiority, and that Amy was in a tight spot because she had to appease her husband's traditional thinking while still pushing forward her very successful printing business, which had long cast a shadow over his own income. She was born in the same year as me, and we said cheers to that about ten times, ten shots. The owner, who has NEVER been drunk before, started to get dizzy, and being the gentleman that I am, decided that I'd vouch for him. In honor of my distant Jiang Xi brother, I took about six shots for him, ontop of my own. At one point in time, I remember drinking all six shots on the glass holster. I must have had a total of 30-something shots that night. The female worker was thoroughly impressed and told everyone that she liked me very much. Eventually we sat next to each other and she started whispering in my ear. I don't really remember what she said, but I was kinda sad that I couldn't get to know her better, seeing as I'd be leaving Guangzhou so soon. When I got up to pee, I was already starting wobble left and right. It was about time to go. Amy had the worker take me back in a taxi. I almost thought about asking her to come up to the hotel room with me, even though I probably wouldn't have even been able to get my dick up, but decided not to do anything stupid. Instead I asked for her name and told her that I would come see her again before I left. Too bad I don't remember her name at all.

Beautiful shot glasses. My lips have touched every single one of them.

The bar counter. Pretty awesome place

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My aunt and the owner, talking about something I don't remember.

The best picture I have of that girl. I would totally ask her out if I was still over there.

I woke up the next day around 4PM and it took me a few hours to get over my hangover, which was very much aided when I called the lobby and asked the bitch to order me a large pizza from Pizza Hut. Their large pizzas are the size of our medium ones. Fucking a. I devour the commercialized-Italian piece of junk food and spend the rest of the entire day catching up on anime.

You have no idea how good this was to me.

The next weekend I attend Amy's coworker's wedding. Once again, more drinking, but this time a lot more pics. I also score this one girl's number, but she never called me and I never called her. I might have given her the wrong number though, cause excessive amounts of wine and beer does that to people. Check out some awesome pics.

Xiao Jun and me!

Me with some of Amy's underlings.

Me, Xiao Jun, Leon, and Amy (with an insane hair do)

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"On noes I am teh durnk!"

The Last Few Days

I spent my last week with Amy mostly. We went to the Guangzhou International Convention and caught sight of potential business (which I will talk about later). To suffice, we found very cheap access to high-quality paintings and hope to begin a business in America for Amy after she moves here. Amy also decided to buy a freaking massage chair on top of several sample paintings. I ended up waiting for the show to end and them to pack up the all of the chairs at the booth (which took about 3 hours). Luckily there was also a cute girl that I had the chance to make chit-chat with. She was a recent graduate of a local college and began working for this massage chair business right out of school. It was fun, but all good things have to end. We spend about an hour trying to figure out how to fit about 10 paintings, 5 gigantic frames, and a freaking massage chair into a tiny ass van. By the time we had packed up, it was already about 9PM. I end up spending the night again at her lake house after Amy decided that the massage chair should go there. It felt extremely conclusive, to have begun the journey here and finally seen it for the last time before leaving.

Guangzhou International Convention

We spend my last day drinking again with some of Amy's associates and I have to wake up at 6:30AM to catch my 9AM flight. I get pretty much no sleep, as my mind raced with thoughts of Japan. We wake up, eat a hearty breakfast, and bade each other farewell before speeding off to the Bai Yun airport.

In retrospect, I must say that I experienced a lot during my stay in China. As I sit in the Shinagawa Prince Hotel in Japan writing this, I can tell you that China is really a one-of-a-kind place. A period in my life that I will truly never forget. I'm sure I have more to say, but this is already long-winded enough and I'm also drinking a Japanese juice that I thought was juice but was actually an alcoholic beverage. Great.

Coming Up! Rantings about my stay in Japan!