i'm not gay (no really, i'm not)

Those of you who know me, know that I love to act gay. All the time. In the most obscene ways possible. Oftentimes, scaring even myself. I think I have an idea of why I do it, but it's psychologically saddening for me to say it out loud, but I suppose I should anyways.

I once heard that being lesbian was fun. No, this does not apply to male gays for whatever reason. I heard that girls like to do "stuff" with each other, and it was perfectly normal and they never thought anything of it, even if the two involved weren't lesbians. But when a dude jerks off another dude, it's like totally gay. I don't get it. Anyways I digress. 

I've gone through some meticulous analyzation and have found that acting gay is a strategy that completes three goals:

diffuse the situation (and also break the ice)

Acting gay lets you loosen up with those around you (obviously acting gay towards the person you already know). You can joke more easily and make conversation about your own faggotry, laugh at yourself, then do it again. It's great.

break the silence

You become a topic of great interest, as you pretendingly fondle your closest male friend. I have a tendency to drift towards those that are more homophobic, because they give a little retaliation, which makes things a bit more of a tease. In some ways, acting gay when you're not actually gay is a good way of becoming an attention whore. But hey, as long as you put up a good show, it's all fine and dandy.

defend yourself from hot women

Okay guys, this is the final kicker to the whole gay deal. I am deathly afraid of hot women. I've gotten more used to it from practice and exposure, but rewind a few years back and I would literally freeze and stumble over my own words when faced with a pair of lovely eyes, red lipstick, and hourglass-shaped love-handles. Acting gay makes things not awkward and allows you to joke around. I've actually found that acting a little homo even helps loosen up the women around you as well, like you seem more inviting to them because you've taken it up the butt too or something. 

Those are probably the primary reasons that I act gay all the time. Sorry to let anyone down that was hoping to hook up with me, but I still prefer sticking my meat in a hot, sticky hole that isn't filled with shit. 

OMG massive delay on writings. I've been so tired and lazy all week. Been doing lots of hw and playing a bunch of fighting games, as well as catching up on anime. Bleargh.